Parent’s divorce is a nightmare for every child no matter how old they are. It can be a turning point in life, leaving a traumatizing and overwhelming memory to go through. How to deal with parents’ divorce is hard but it’s possible to cope with the situation.
It seems like countless children have to experience parents’ divorce as around half of the marriages in the US end in the court. This creates many new problems in the family. You might have ever heard your friend’s parents separated and you feel sorry for him.
But when it happens to you, you feel so bad and embarrassed. Don’t worry, you’re about to learn how to cope with divorce and move on.
How to Deal with Parents Divorce As a Kid
Before getting to know how to deal with divorced parents, you may need to understand why parents take this hard decision.
There are many factors that cause divorce but it commonly happens when couples feel uncomfortable living together. This feeling can be triggered by anger, fight, abuse, and other reasons that are intensively personal.
In every divorce, children are the most impacted. You don’t understand why your parents decide to separate, moreover when nothing bad happens in the family.
As a child with divorced parents, you might feel shocked, angry, depressed, and embarrassed. If you have lots of feelings, try to speak with a friend or a counselor so you know how to cope with it.
Here are the most common emotions felt by children after parents’ divorce:
- Sadness – because you know that your family won’t be whole again
- Shock – most children aren’t expecting the divorce
- Guilt – you feel guilty because you can’t cooperate within the family
- Embarrassed – everything is going to change and you don’t know how people will think about you or your family
- Anxiety – you worry about the future as mother and father separate
- Fear – you’re afraid of losing love from parents
- Loneliness – you feel no one can understand, especially if you can’t find someone to share
Oftentimes, guilt is the most dominant feeling that takes control over children, especially teenagers. They think that the divorce is their fault and they don’t know how to deal with parents divorce.
They wish they could cooperate more with the family, change their behavior, and be a nice kid so the divorce never happened.
But divorce is much more complicated than you think. Parents have a lot of problems that can make them overwhelmed and divorce is considered the best solution to solve it. So it has nothing to do with the kids.
Don’t cry over spilled milk. Now that the divorce has happened, all you can do is get to know how to deal with parents’ divorce. Coping with the situation isn’t easy for teens or adults but there’s always a way to go through.
If you are a teenager, facing parents’ divorce is more challenging as your emotions are unstable. The divorce can amplify the stress and worsen mental health, especially if you have other problems at school or in relationship.
Here are some points to deal with parent’s divorce as a teenager:
Don’t Let Anger Control You
Anger is one of the dominant emotions you feel after the divorce. The first point of how to deal with parents’ divorce is controlling your anger and don’t let it get the best of you.
Uncontrolled anger can make your life worse, preventing you from recovering faster. Remember that you have to keep up with school, friendship, and routine activities.
You might feel frustrated and you have a strong urge to express it to friends or even siblings. Don’t let frustration break your friendship or relationship. Take a deep breath and try to think clearly before taking an action.
It’s Not Your Fault
Again and again, you need to keep in mind that parents’ divorce isn’t your fault. Relationships can be complicated and divorce can happen to anyone, including your parents.
Always remember that your parents have a strong reason to separate and you have nothing to do with it.
Tell Your Parents about What You Feel
Another point of how to deal with parents’ divorce is talking to them. Let your parents know about your emotion, even if it can make them feel guilty.
Don’t pretend that you’re okay as it can hurt yourself. Let them know how you feel and what you want for the family, so you can find the best solution.
Expecting your parents to get back together in the future may give a disappointing outcomes. But it never goes wrong to wish for happiness and well-being for parents and everyone in the family.
Share with Your Best Friends
If you have close friends, don’t hesitate to talk to them and share your burdens. Aside from family, best friends care about you and they’ll always be there to heal your wound.
It might be hard to talk about your family but once you let them know, they could give exceptional power to go through this life.
Get Help from an Expert
Divorce can give an unprecedented effect on teenagers. If you think parents and friends can’t help handle the situation, talking to an expert can give a huge help.
A counselor or therapist will tell you how to deal with separated parents and manage your emotions. It might be uncomfortable to talk to a stranger but it can be a brilliant solution to cope with a hard time.
How to Deal with Parents Divorce as a Teenager
What if you’re an adult? Many people think that how to deal with parents’ divorce in your 20s is easier because you are mature enough to manage emotions.
In fact, going through this situation is difficult even for adults. Even it can trigger childlike memories and feelings that may impact your personal life.
You might also feel the same emotions as teenagers such as sadness and anger. But of course, you know how to manage and control emotions so the situation doesn’t get worse. Here are several things that may help you to handle a hard time.
Be Gentle with Yourself
No matter how old you are, parents’ divorce can trigger natural feelings like confusion, embarrassment, anger, and sadness.
You need to keep in mind that all these emotions are natural. Be gentle with yourself and don’t feel guilty about your parents’ decision. This is how to deal with separated parents without hurting your feelings.
Don’t Pick Sides
One or both of your parents might talk too much about the divorce or about each other. You might be tempted to pick sides but you’d better keep yourself on a neutral position.
When your mother or father begins to talk about the other, put a stop to it. Say that you love both of them and you don’t want to talk negatively about your parents.
Don’t Judge
Seeing your parents’ marriage ends in divorce is hard and you just hate it. That’s okay but remember to put aside your judgment. You might not know the underlying problems that cause the divorce so it’s a wise decision not to judge your parents.
They deserve to be happy and if living together no longer brings happiness to them, it’s completely their decision to separate.
Visit a Counselor
If all sorts of things won’t work, you may need to seek out a counselor or a therapist. A coach or therapist will help you find out how to deal with parents divorceat your age.
They may give solutions to deal with your emotions or how to endure the situation. They also keep you focus on healing yourself and give support to go through.
A thing to note, get your own counselor instead of hiring theirs. As an adult, you can’t expect your parents to be your counselor either. Be sure the therapist is on a neutral position, allowing you to get a clear solution from the professional.
Don’t Conclude Anything about Marriage
After all the problems and uncomfortable feelings, you might draw a conclusion that every marriage won’t work. Avoid making such decision about marriage in general.
Not all marriages end in divorce so you should think you never want to get married. Every relationship is unique and your future marriage may be different.
What Parents Can Do?
How to deal with divorced parents can be easier when parents take part. And yet, some parents are too busy finding a new job because they didn’t work during the marriage, settling their emotions, or arranging custody without helping the children to cope with it.
If you are a parent, there are several things that you can to make this hard time a lot easier. Moreover, when you have younger children or teenagers, your presence can be a huge help for them.
- Maintain the Peace
Plenty of children think that divorce is all about fights, arguments, and bad acts. It commonly happens between parents, unluckily it can make the children more stressed and frustrated.
No matter how big the problem is, parents should be able to maintain peace. Make sure every visit arrangement is peaceful to help minimize stress and bad feelings in kids.
- Don’t Ask the Kids to Take Sides
Most teenagers don’t feel comfortable when parents ask them or try to get them to take sides. It makes them think about how to deal with parents’ divorce is super overwhelming.
Children want to feel free to talk with their parents or hang out together without hurting the other parents. They also feel bad when you show jealousy, frustration, or anger when they talk to your ex.
Of course, everything is never the same again with you and your ex live separately. But don’t make the situation worse by asking the children to take sides as they deserve to receive love from their parents, before and after the divorce.
- Establish Communication
Good communication can change everything. However, maintaining good communication between two houses can be a real struggle, especially if parents decide to live far apart.
But it’s always a good idea to stay in touch with your children. Don’t hesitate to ask how they’re doing or say if you miss them. Even a short message can help ease the feelings.
Besides, keeping in touch allows your children to think that divorce isn’t that horrible.Despite you live in different houses, they’re going to think that their parents still care about them. This is important to relieve them and help recover after the shock.
- Talk About Future
If you want to help your kids to find out how to deal with parents divorce, ask them to talk about future.
Many children worry about their future after the divorce—some are concerned that the parents won’t be able to afford school or college because of the costs of divorce. That’s why the presence of parents is very crucial at this time.
Choose a good time to talk about the future. Ensure your children that everything is going to be fine, even if life changes. Ask what your children are concerned about and find solutions together.
This kind of talk may seem simple but it means a lot for the kids. They feel more calm and confident as their parents are always there.
- Make a Deal
Your teens may want the parents come to special events like plays, games, or graduation. But sometimes you feel awkward to be in the same place as the other.
As a solution, you can make a deal with your teens or simply ask what they want it to be. This is how to deal with parents’ divorce without hurting each other.
- Find Help
When parents’ support can’t help the teens to handle and manage their emotions, it might be the right time to find help.
A counselor or therapist can give huge help to deal with the situation. He may suggest the best solutions based on the situations, allowing the teens to get back to their normal activities.
After all, how to deal with parents divorce never comes easy. Despite children always become the victims, there are several things that you can do to cope with it and go through. Parents can also take part in helping the children to recover and live a normal life