Adoption gives a unique and emotional experience for the adopted children. It’s a completely new stage in life and most of them put great hope on their new family. Unluckily, some adoptive parents aren’t ready for a new family member and they end up having a problem with the adoptee. Then, many adoptees begin to ask, “What should I do when my adoptive mother hates me?”
Not every adoptive parent has parental skills to help them handle any challenge that comes with the adoption. Unlike a biological child, an adopted child comes in a relatively short legal process and it may affect how the parents respond to the newcomer.
Especially if the child doesn’t meet their expectation. Here, you’ll find why the problem occurs and how to solve it.
Common Adoption Effects on Parents
Many people see adoption from a child’s perspective. But here, you will see adoption from the parents’ perspective. How do they feel about this legal process? What are the common problems and effects on adoptive mother?
For a lot of adoptive parents, completing the legal process may be overwhelming but it’s not as much as how they struggle to be good parents.
The post-adoption period can be challenging as they find difficulties in raising and adapting with a new family member. Here are some common effects on new adoptive parents.
- Emotional stress
First, adoptive parents may have difficulties establishing a bond with the new child. They may also refuse to admit that their decision to adopt a child causes new problems. This refusal can trigger emotional stress.
Next, the excitement of having a new adoptee can turn into sadness in some parents. This is known as post-adoption depression syndrome and it commonly occurs within a few weeks after adoption. This condition, however, can be shorter or longer depending on the treatment.
- Identity confusion
It takes time to get a feeling of being real parents. As the legal process is finished, they have a new identity and title, and yet some parents may worry about this feeling. In some cases, parents are reluctant to embrace parenthood.
Why Adoptive Mother Hates Me?
Many adoptees don’t understand why they get unpleasant treatment from their parents. Why my adoptive mother hates me? This is one of the most common questions, especially from newly adopted.
There are many things that cause adoptive mother hates her adoptee. Here are some possible reasons:
As mentioned previously, adoptive parents may experience emotional stress when they find difficulties establishing a connection with the child.
Consequently, parents who cannot control their emotions transfer the bad feeling to the adopted child, causing the child to feel like being hated.
- Child doesn’t meet the expectation
Additionally, it isn’t uncommon that the adoptee does not meet parent’s expectation. When the child isn’t as nice or smart as expected, parents especially mother may feel disappointed. This feeling may also trigger hatred.
- Ungrateful adopted child
Next reason, some people believe that adoptees who seek out their birth parents are considered ungrateful. If the mother belongs to this group of people, chances are she will hate her adoptee. In fact, it’s quite normal for the adopted children to seek out their root.
What to Do When Adoptive Mother Hates Me?
Based on the reasons above, what should I do when my adoptive mother hates me? The relationship between the adoptee and adoptive parents can be problematic. It often happens when the adoptee turns into a teenager, though in some other cases it begins earlier.
Related Article: No Father on Birth Certificate, Is It legal?
Nevertheless, you can fix the broken relationship no matter what. If you have a bad relationship with adoptive mother or think she hates you, here are possible things to do.
- Find out the underlying problem
Many times, adopted child fails to understand the underlying problem occurred in the family. All the child know is the mother hates him because she is angry with him all the time.
In truth, there must be triggering factors that cause emotional outbursts or anger in the adoptive mother. For example, it can be an alcoholism father or financial reason.
- Establish attachment
Then, adoption creates a great change in life and it may take years for a mother to establish attachment to the new child. It potentially causes a feeling of rejected or hated. Adoptee can help the mother to establish attachment so she will feel more appreciated as a new parent.
- Show your potential
In case you feel rejected because you cannot meet their expectation, showing your potential is the best way to fix the broken relationship. Show that you can make them proud in your own way.
Things Adopted Children Can’t Do
My adoptive mother hates me. Can I hate her? The answer is no. No matter how bad your feeling is, adoptive parents are your legal guardians. If you cannot establish a good relationship with adoptive father or mother, don’t make it worse.
The following things should be avoided by adopted children as it can put another trouble to the family.
- Hurt parents physically or verbally.
Anger and depression can lead to physical abuse. This should be avoided by adoptees, no matter how angry you are with adoptive parents.
- Run away from home.
Adults and teenagers may consider running away from home is the best solution. However, this can lead to a bigger problem such as increased risk of drugs abuse or alcoholism.
- Disgrace adoptive family.
Next, being rejected potentially makes adoptees commit crime and other immorality acts. This should be avoided as it can make the relationship worse.
- Reject help from outsiders.
Sometimes, relatives and other family who have completed adoption can offer help. If you want to fix your relationship with adoptive mother, don’t refuse their help.
When to Find Help
If you are an adopted child or adult and are struggling with rejected and other bad feelings, you may need to call mental health professional in your state. The professionals have right solution and treatment to help you cope with the problem.
They will also identify if you have underlying conditions such as depression or anxiety disorder. In conclusion, many adoptees have similar thoughts, “My adoptive mother hates me”. This thought, however, can be caused by many factors. Adoptees can do several things to fix a bad relationship with mother or find help if they are struggling with the feeling