What You Should Know Going into a Divorce

It’s not a nice thought to have, but sometimes it’s necessary. Are you thinking about divorce? 

Maybe the idea is crossing your mind, for whatever motivation, maybe you’ve already had the big fight and are ready to talk seriously about it, maybe you simply want to talk to a friend who’s thinking about it with knowledge. Whatever the case, there’s a lot that goes into divorce. If you’re interested in the concept or would like to be more informed, take a look at our guide. We’re breaking down the biggest things you should know before going forward with divorce. 

It will probably take longer than you think

Even the quickest of “quickie divorces” take at least 6 months to complete. The good news there, as I’m sure you’ve guessed, is that that’s all wrapped up in paperwork and official items like money, property, and children. You don’t need to tolerate sleeping in the same bed, but if someone’s being stubborn about who has the right to stay in the home, for example, you should know going in that the divorce process might be longer than you think. And that’s if you have quite an amicable divorce. 

Your rights as a parent

If there are children involved in your divorce, you’re likely going to see even more time spent with your solicitor. Children very much complicate matters when it comes to divorce. You’re not just leaving your ex. Now that you’re a parent, you’re not likely to get them out of your life entirely. Even the best divorces involving a child takes a lot of negotiation. Simply feeling out what level of interaction the other is comfortable with is a negotiation. 

If you are a father, look up what rights fathers have in a divorce, to ensure that you have the best case to be in your child’s life. You don’t want any petty accusations standing between you and your children. 

But don’t expect to “win”

As the idea of negotiations would suggest, there isn’t really much by way of winning when it comes to divorce. Your result is a spectrum that ranges between what you think are the worst and the best outcomes. For instance, you might get the custody you’re looking for, but lower rates of child support, because the points you bring up that might help your case that the kids should stay with you, might aid his case for lowering child support. Divorce is about compromise as much as it’s about negotiation. 

Do not forget that you aren’t divorcing out of spite, especially if you have children in the mix. You’re looking to get out of a situation you want to be in, and to aim for trying to make your spouse as miserable as you feel will only result in you spending too much money on solicitors promising things they shouldn’t and can’t promise. And to go into it with that attitude will mean that you are just putting kids in the middle

This isn’t about the past, but the future

Along those lines, do your own mental health a favor and try not to dwell on the past. Obsessing over the past little things will make you vengeful to your spouse, which, if you have kids, isn’t good for them either. Instead of looking at it as a way of getting away from the past, think of it as starting your own future. If you don’t care about the DVD collection, don’t fight over it. A few drops of the little things might in fact work in your favor when it comes to the important things.